I started working on a new page for my website, I look forward to sharing the content but I'm not quiet ready to share it. It's going to get personal and I hope I feel a sense of healing on my journey as I work through my story.
It happens to be the three year anniversary when millions of women simply taking their voices to social media and typing this hashtag: #metoo. I simply just added the hashtag but did not share my story/stories. Some women were extremely brave in my eyes, they spoke their truths and I stand beside them, I believe their truths.
My mind was racing today. I started building a biography page and thought about how much do I really share on a Fibromyalgia blog. Then I realized, for (most) Fibromyalgia Warriors, it is our past traumas that have led us to this pain. In my pain and suffering, there's also anxiety and depression. Possibly, my voice can help another woman speak her truth and work towards healing.
I am starting to work through these tough moments and memories in my life (time span from the ages of 16 through 18). Names will be changed to protect some people, not necessarily to protect the person themselves from the actions they did 20+ years ago, but possibly protecting their families and other victims of their behavior.
My "HERSTORY" page will have happy moments, stories, and photos as well. I experienced some wonderful moments. I am excited to work on this project: it may take some time, since I am often working on essays, assignments, and case studies for Indigenous Wellness & Addiction Prevention. I hope to launch the page "HERSTORY" by the time I'm on Winter Break in December, after my exams for semester one.
UPDATE: HERSTORY will be launched in March 2021.
Today was the IFCI virtual graduation ceremony. I was so excited, I logged on at 3:20 when I needed to log in at 3:30. My excitement turned into anxiety and fear, by the time it was my turn for my interview, I was a little lost in my mind and I couldn't express myself and say what I had intended to share with the attendees. My prep notes are available here.
It's been nearly a year I started blogging (simultaneously) stopped blogging; I am in the process of big changes in my life.
Last summer, I decided that I wanted things to change in my life. I was very sad and miserable (depression and anxiety). I couldn't stand the thought of living where I was living, being in the shape I was in, and feeling like I was not contributing to my family. I enrolled in the office administration program at Canadore College.
I put aside my funding from school to afford first and last on a new house to rent. Mid-October, we saw a listing for a house, and we were selected as tenants on October 21st. I love my new home. We are near parks and trails, we live in a quiet area, and we have wonderful neighbours.
While taking Psychology 101, I realized that I had another goal in mind for my future. I didn't feel that I would be cutout for the role as a receptionist and that I really wanted to help other women like me: women who have fibromyalgia.
In March, I was accepted in Canadore College's Indigenous Wellness and Addictions Prevention fall 2020 program.
New Beginnings is a sole journal entry from September 2018
I am taking a course this fall to help me cope with my chronic pain. The course started ten days ago. I like the format of the "group therapy" of the class. The course instructors are lovely people, who have taken the course for themselves and believe they could share and teach this technique for chronic pain management. I was not sure what to expect and I am open to try new things to help cope.
For nearly ten years, I have had lower back pain, since 2012 I have had neck and shoulder pain, and just over a year with pain and difficulties with my legs. Plus, I have daily headaches and issues with my digestive system. I see my GP often, but "I'm fine" : no test results are negative.
In 2015, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression; which I believe triggers the pains in my sides and effects my sleep.
Just 9 days ago at the sleep clinic follow-up appointment, I had received confirmation about my poor sleeping habits: it take me a long time to fall asleep, once I am asleep I get 4 to 5 hours of sleep.
The part that upset me at my appointment was that I had two "black out" moments while I was with the nurse then a second time with the nurse and doctor. I am not sure how to explain this situation, it's like passing out but not losing consciousness or falling over. I faded away and the doctor noticed it, he asked where I went/what happened. I was embarrassed and cried as I left their office after I explained myself and promised I would get a ride home to be safe.
Chantal \shahn~ TAHL\
A devastating beauty with a fiery personality. Part lover, part fighter.
Chantals know how to make it rain. Your life is incomplete if you lack a Chantal. A completely magical girl.
- Urban Dictionary