About a decade ago, I was very involved with Girl Guides of Canada. I wasn't a member as a youth but found myself volunteering casually then I was asked to take on a unit or it would have to close (I think most leaders hear that line as they are joining, the urgency to keep the unit open for the girls).

I fully immersed myself as the unit guider for a Sparks unit. To the girls and their parents from our unit knew me as "Guider Chantal". I planned amazing weekly meeting with fun and educational crafts, I took the girls on trips, and special events. I found the greatest ideas for meeting and activities to do with my unit because of pinterest and that growing social media was most of the inspiration to the awesome things the unit was able to accomplish together. I blogged about the things we did and I dedicated most of my Instagram feed to my Guiding life. For the first year or so, I was the only guider on the roster and the community guider and administrative leader would rotate weeks to assist me/to cover ratio. I loved it but eventually I wore myself out. I was exhausted after my time as Guider Chantal with the 43rd North Bay Sparks unit. I left that unit in June 2015, and that was the spring that I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I had to step away, I became controlling and wasn't a good co-leader to my fellow guiders.

Because of Girl Guides, I was able to find myself. I made great friends and wonderful memories. I learned to love camping and challenging myself to a new activity each summer I was a volunteer at summer camps. Girl Guide camps became my favorite thing; I would volunteer in the summer, attend Guider training and skill weekends, and my family enjoyed a family camp or two, or three.

I am so grateful for the sisterhood in Girl Guides and all the wonderful opportunities my daughters and I experienced over the past decade. Girl Guides was my safe space when I was lost in my illness; the support from co-guiders, women I worked with through GGC-ON council, and the summer camp teams gave me strength when I needed it the most.

I hung up my Girl Guide hat in September 2019 after my last camp. For now, I am focusing on college and I maintain my membership through an internet Trefoil Guild. I hope to return to unit guiding in a few years.

 As I was finishing up my volunteer week at Camp Woolsey, I signed up for a month long contract to be a camp counsellor for Adelaide. I had about 33 hours "off" with travel to and from camp (twice) and time to clean my gear, repack, and head out to Adelaide for the rest of August. AND celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary! (we will be celebrating our 20th anniversary of being a couple in September)

Before I left for Girl Guide camp, I quit drinking pop. Cold turkey. I had my last Coke Zero on August 4 and knew I would be away for three weeks, which would be the perfect time to stop drinking pop to see if my sides stop hurting so much. I believe the pop is affecting my kidneys, and I can feel the intense pain in my lowers back & sides. I still haven't drank any pop but I do not feel better, my pains in my kidney area is still there, almost daily.

​I returned home from working at Girl Guide camp and I needed several days to recover; I was not sleeping properly and was in constant pain. It hurt to wear shoes when I was working, it was too painful to wear my high-tops, I would wear my sandals or rainboots. When I got home, I cried and slept so much. I couldn't even walk downstairs to my office two floors lower from my bedroom (I barely even went one floor down to the kitchen/living room). I had a medical appointment with my family physician, and she sent me for x-rays; I felt like my feet were broken or fractured. That session at the x-ray department was so hard, I cried in every position the technician placed me into, poor thing was so apologetic during the whole process.

​When I was alone at home, in bed trying to recover from camplife; I went into thinking spirals and I fell into a depression again. I felt that I wasn't able to be strong enough for my final year of my Administrative Community Leader term for Community 34. That I was letting people down.  I wasn't able to make time to volunteer my ACL role while I was working from 6:45 a.m. to 11 p.m., my downtime I made sure that I did selfcare and rested for that hour and a bit I had off each day. I felt that I was unappreciated by my camp director at Adelaide. She purposely avoided me the last two days when my condition was worsening. I was falling into a very sad state of mind, I had given up precious weeks that I could have been spending with my eldest daughter who was leaving for Italy for a 10 month student exchange. I was at my saddest when I missed her Italian consulate visit in Toronto and her 16th birthday. I was grateful for the support of the Red Shirts (Staff) who had hugs and kind words to help me through and help me find strength.

​My mind wasn't clear or sharp during my last few days of work: One morning when I had first session off and my sleep-in morning, I got up and I was making myself breakfast and tea, and I ended up pouring freshly boiled water over my right hand while I was holding the mug for my tea. I didn't react quickly and poured a fair amount that cause a burn more serious than I have ever done before. I went straight to first aid/wellness center for help, but I was brushed aside and told to run cold water on it. I did but it wasn't enough. By lunch time, I was becoming zombie-like because of the intense pain and lack of treatment (besides running cold water on it twice). The camp had some special guests visiting and grading the camp for their Ontario camp status, and the camp director suddenly was sincere and concerned about me, it felt like she didn't want me around the guests because I was unwell and injured; I was rushed into another section of the building, away from the dining hall with the campers and guests, and into a quiet area and was given treatment for my burn, which she said she was concerned about the severity but didn't bring me to the hospital or even wrote a incident report. I had a hard time understanding why I would work so hard, as a volunteer and then as a contract employee for them to mistreat me and not appreciate my dedication to the organization and the camp.

Wednesday afternoon, I gave my notice to the second in command in the director's office, camp director was M.I.A. whenever I needed her that day. I had 24 hours to reflect at Camp Adelaide about my wellness, my life, my roles as volunteer, etc. until the time I was scheduled to be picked up for my weekend off. I was just going home for good. I took the time to encourage the women who were tired and starting to feel the drain. I went to different places I wasn't able to explore before. I said goodbye to my camp, my home. I made peace with the idea that this was my last sunset at Adelaide. 

Today, I was falling apart and it broke my heart while I wrote my letter and I gave my notice to the GGC - Ontario Council Deputy Provincial Commissioner, my ACL Advisor, and my Community Planner. I could not continue my role as ACL for C34.

In two days, I go for my CT Scan and I have my follow up with the doctor and specialist. Next month, I start a mindfulness program with a psychiatrist: The Mindfulness Solution to Pain.